Theology Annual vol.3 1979 p.129-143
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Man needs others to become himself, and God is present in man's making of man. (1)This essay is a result of many years of reflection on the experience of presence, both in friendship and in community life. The key question it seeks to answer is: How can presence, in the interpersonal relationship, lead to a fuller, richer life and thus be an effective sign of the love of God? (2) For it appears that as growth occurs through a satisfying relationship between two persons, there is more in this interaction than just the presence of these two human beings: there is a force which draws them, from within and from beyond, to a richer, fuller life, which transcends the limitations of these two persons. (3) What is this dynamic force? It is believed, by men of faith, to be a God of love.
¡¯Extract from a research paper presented by the author to the Faculty of Graduate Studies of the University of Ottawa in 1974.
In this paper, we will use the word presence in both the material and personalistic sense, as: being with someone or something; being open to, and sharing one's being, with others. When we speak of growth, we will refer to constructive personality change, that is, a change in one's habitual way of perceiving the world, in a direction which leads to a fuller awareness of reality, and also a change in behaviour, in a direction which leads to greater integration and more effective living.
Starting with the hypothesis that we need the presence of others in order to grow, we will see in brief what some contemporary psychologists and humanists have to say on the subject. Then, we will look at some theological aspects of presence, keeping in mind that this does not exclude the psychological aspects but rather incorporates them, adding a new dimension, that of faith.
Contemporary psychology has been saying in every way that man needs others to become himself. Child psychologists have told the world again and again that a child needs to be loved by his parents before he can begin to give love. (4)
Freud stressed the fact that the first five years were the most important in the life of a person, and that the development and dissolution of the Oedipus Complex at this stage would largely condition a person's social relationships through-out his life, especially his attitude toward people in authority and toward the opposite sex. (5)
Erikson, in his theory on the eight stages of growth, claimed that if a child did not receive sufficient love and care at each stage, or if he was not guided in the right way, his growth would be arrested, and this would affect each subsequent step of his development. For example, if a child has not learned basic trust during the first year of his life, he will see the world as more hostile than benign for the rest of his life. (6)
In Carl Rogers' famous client-centered therapy, the focus is on the individual, not only as he is now, but as he can become. Rogers says that presence will be life-giving if the therapist is congruent, that is, truly aware of what he is experiencing, and if he communicates unconditional acceptance and empathy to his client. What will happen in such a therapeutic relationship? The person will get in touch with what is best within him, and he will move on in a good direction. He will become more fully himself, more congruent and "self-actualizing", as Has low puts it. (7)
Sidney Jourard feels that in order for growth to take place, both parties must be open to each other. This openness comes about through disclosure, yet this disclosure has to be mutual, not one-sided. It is the therapist who should initiate the process of disclosure since he is supposed to be more congruent than the client in the relationship. If presence is genuine and personal, if there is care and concern for the other person, then presence will become an invitation-to-live. Furthermore, this invitation may be extended not only by therapists, but by anyone who is concerned about another person, whether it be a parent, friend, spouse or teacher. Jourard states: "Any teacher who liberates, expands, activates a person's consciousness creates a condition for a richer life of longer duration." (8) This will happen when the person who is concerned about another communicates his concern, and when the other, in turn, accepts the invitation.
Gregory Baum supports the hypothesis that "man is in need of others to become himself. (9) He claims that it is through dialogue that man comes to be what he is. This is easy to see in the possession of language, which is given to us by our family and our community. It is through language, that is, non-verbal as well as verbal language, that we are summoned to consciousness. Unless there is a mother, actual or surrogate, a baby could never develop a conscious life. Consciousness comes about through dialogue, being spoken to and responding. Man learns from others, not only on the level of information, but also on the deeper levels of self-knowledge and of values. It is by listening to what others have to say, both by their words and by their attitudes, that we can learn about the world and about ourselves. (10)
Dialogue suggests more than merely hearing what is conveyed by word or attitude, it implies an answer, a personal answer which one learns to make freely, and which renders him responsible for himself. Yet this dialogue is not an easy process; man's freedom enables him to resist the word that is addressed to him. One reason why man resists is that he may feel challenged by the word which is spoken to him, challenged to change and grow, to let go of his self-image and enter into the world of another. Dialogue, in this sense, may lead to a conversion. This process of conversion is repeated over and over again in a person's life. For example, a child, at first, looks to his mother simply for security and love, but gradually he comes to recognize her as another person with her own wants and needs; one who is able to resist his self-centered demands. At that moment, his little world is shattered and he becomes more open to reality. This openness, this new perception, means personality growth. (11)
But what is involved in this experience of becoming more fully human? What really causes further growth in a person? Many humanists and psychologists explain that it is genuine presence in an interaction that can effect this kind of change in perception and in behaviour. Now we will let a few theologians speak on presence in interpersonal relationships as a life-giving sign of the love of God.
Current trends in the New Theology indicate less concern with the God 'out here', perhaps because too much stress was placed on transcendence in the past. Now, more interest is being shown in finding God within the world and within the life of man. This does not mean that the Transcendent God is dead, but that the immanent God is closer to the ideals and the needs of modern man, whose life is influenced by existential philosophy and Humanistic psychology. Humanists today see man as becoming, as a process, as "a being whose being is always in question". (12) Contemporary theologians have often been accused of being humanists, and some of them see this not as an accusation but as a fact. If being a humanist means having a man-centered understanding of religion, not only do they agree with this view, but they find ground for it in the fact of the Incarnation. According to Gregory Baum:
The divine incarnation in Jesus Christ reveals to us that God's encounter with men always humanizes them and that God's grace comes to men not only in moments of piety but more especially in their relationship to the community, the Church. It is revealed to us in Jesus that the human is the locus of the divine. God's self-revelation effects the growth and reconciliation of man. (13)
In order to understand this growth-promoting presence of God in community, it may be useful to consider the effects on human beings of personal presence.
Piet Schoonenberg insists very strongly on the distinction between physical presence and personal presence: "The word presence means for us the relationship of something or someone to something or someone else." (14) This kind of presence is characterized not only by a 'being with' which could refer simply to physical presence, but also by influence, help, and finally an enrichment of the one in whose presence one is. Presence, therefore, is something active. 'Communication' refers to a mutual give-and-take. One party may be active and the other passive, but ultimately there is an action and a reaction taking place by the simple fact of the mutual presence of two human beings who are aware of each other in some way. Communication implies not only a giving of something, but the self-communication of the person himself, that is, "of those living insights which have formed his inviolable spirit, and especially of those attitudes to life whereby he has built up his deepest being." (15) Communication here means not simply giving information about these insights and attitudes, but sharing these in a way which leads to an inner intuition in the understanding, followed by a connection in the will. Schoonenberg believes that intuition is the summit of our capacity for knowledge, and that the deepest working of our will consists, not in changing things outside ourselves, but in determining our own attitude toward reality: God, the world and ourselves. If someone can communicate with another in these deepest activities, he will truly be present to the other, and will live on in his heart and mind. Needless to say, this quality of human presence is not easy to attain, and is also limited by the reality of human beings' limitations. Furthermore, even when two persons have experienced deep communication, much depends on both parties' capacity to remain true to each other and on their willingness to grow in this relationship. There is even a further risk involved: that the two parties may grow away from each other as they reveal their changing perceptions.
Freedom and openness are important elements of a successful interpersonal relationship. People are free to open themselves up to one another, to disclose, or not to disclose, what is deepest within them. They are also free to receive, or not to receive, the other's self-revelation in faith. Even when two persons are together, one, or both, can still refuse to be personally present. But when the choice to be open is made by the two parties both to accept and to integrate the giving and receiving of mutual self-disclosure, the actions of the two persons become symbols of their growing relationship in which neither has to give up his own personality, but in which, instead, if the communication is genuine, both will become themselves.
In our society today, when interpersonal relationships are becoming more impersonal, people tend to draw together in crowds to overcome their feeling of loneliness. Mere physical presence cannot overcome separation, it must be penetrated with personal presence or with one of its symbols. For example, an embrace or a kiss is a sign of love. It promotes union only inasmuch as it expresses the real affection which exists between two people; otherwise it may leave them as lonely as ever. On the other hand, a letter can be a symbol of presence in absence, since it makes the other person, the beloved or friend, live on in one's memory, and speaks of the hope of a reunion. Absence can actually purify love of its alloys by erasing from memory various negative aspects. Remembrance can also deepen presence in such a way that a departed one seems closer than before. (16)
For theologians -- as well as for all those who have faith -- all that we have said concerning the characteristics of human presence can point to the presence of God in the world and in our lives. Schoonenberg says that God's presence is all-pervasive, but when we speak about Him, we cannot speak of spatial presence in the same sense as when we speak of material bodies. Though He fills all space, it is not in a spatial way. He is present by giving Himself freely and willingly. "He is in human beings in order to make them live, in order to fulfill them, in order to give them to each other, in order to lead them finally to God." (17)
Man is free to accept or to refuse God's love. The only way he can limit God's presence in his life is by refusing to open up to Him. But the strange paradox this entails is that man cannot control the results of this refusal. According to the Christian point of view, if we refuse to open up to God, we refuse life, so that man, in order to be saved, must accept salvation from an Other, and since salvation comes through other human beings, vivified by the presence of Christ, man cannot cut himself off from others. (18)
Schillebeeckx sees man as "a process of becoming man." (19) He sees him as a historical being, who becomes what he is meant to be in relationship with others. For "man is with himself, present to himself, a person, only when he is present to something else, and especially when he is present to someone else." (20)
Man's interactions with others have a divine and a human dimension. On the divine level, there is his relationship with God, in which God has the initiative. By his very nature, man longs for personal encounter with God, yet he is free to answer or not to answer God's call. When he does open up, he is in a state of sanctifying grace which may be defined, according to Schillebeeckx, as "the relation of reciprocity between God and man. (21)
On the human level, man needs contacts with his fellow men. These contacts proceed in and through man's bodiliness, because when a man affects another man in a truly human way, this is necessarily done through his body, which is a sign of his full human life.
These human contacts of persons among themselves are signs of something greater. According to Schillebeeckx, "human relationships in this world have a sacramental meaning: that of the offer of God's gift of salvation in a sacramental form." (22)
If human relationships have a sacramental meaning, it is because they are a sign of God's offer of salvation, and if they have a value in our lives, it is because Christ gave them a sacra-mental value. Christ, in His humanity, is a link between our vertical relationships with God and our horizontal relationships with our fellow-men.
Christians believe that God sent His only Son as a proof of His love for the world. Through faith, they know that Jesus is the Word of God; He is also the Word who came to tell us that God is love. Moreover, " ¡Kthe man Jesus is personally a dialogue with God the Father; the supreme realization and therefore the norm and the source of every encounter with God." (23) Since we are speaking of sacrament as an effective sign of grace, we can say, therefore, that Christ is, for us, a sacrament of the love of God.
During His life, Christ was present in visible form to all those who were living with Him. His presence had a transforming effect on the lives of His disciples and of all those who came in contact with Him. Not only did He cure the lame and heal the physically ill but He also worked miracles in the souls of those who believed in Him. Sinners became apostles, doubters were granted a strong faith, and those who suffered were comforted.
Now that Christ is risen, the world is no longer gifted with His physical presence, but His spiritual presence is still at work in his Church--that is, in the community of believers as well as in the Eucharist. It is not less personal presence than that which the disciples of Emmaus ex- perienced and which made their hearts burn with longing to see Him again and to do something for Him. For believers, contact with the man Christ occurs in the Church. This means that for most Christians, "growth in religious intercourse with God will go together with a personal growth in the already given religious community of human beings, the Church." (24)
What are the qualities of the love that Christians should have for one another? What are the conditions under which man will become more himself as a result of his interacting with his fellow-men? Schillebeeckx says that this development will take place in a dialogue, which is the material and verbal revelation of the other. All human contacts occur through one's bodiliness which is the expression of one's inwardness, yet this expression is often ambiguous. We cannot re-ally know what is inside another person's mind unless that person chooses to disclose himself to us. And even this disclosure can be accepted or rejected, so that is through an act of trust in the other's verbal revelation that we can begin to grow, that is, to change our perception of reality. One's growth in a human community, therefore, takes place in a context of self-revelation and of acceptance, that is, of listening surrender, and this process is essentially the same as that which takes place in one's relationship with God. It is by freely opening up to God and neighbour that man works out his salvation.
What is the word that comes to us in our conversations and calls us to new life? Gregory Baum says that:
The Christian who has met the Word of God in Scripture and who experiences life with presuppositions determined by his faith recognizes this special word available in human dialogue as God's Word present in history. (25)
In sum, while the non-Christian may hold that the word which summons a man to become more truly human is a gift of man to man, the believer holds that there is more in the interaction of two human beings than just the two persons involved. He perceives in the relationship a gift which surpasses him, for it seems to him that people give more than what they have. All human relationships are ambiguous, yet somehow, in spite of the ambiguity, growth takes place. Man needs others to become himself. He receives from them what is offered from beyond them. The Christian, through faith, discerns in this gift the saving presence of God. The gift that helps a man to go beyond himself, to transcend his limitations, is ultimately, according to Christian theology, God Himself -- the Holy Spirit. Thus we can say that God is redemptively involved in man's making of man.
From the question that was posed, at the beginning of this essay, on presence as a condition to growth and as a sign of God's love, we could draw out many implications for human relationships, and especially for life in community.
Growth is a never-ending process. In every walk of life, man needs to grow, that is, to change his perception of the world and of himself. Man needs others in order to be himself, and in today's technical society, which is making him less than human, he seeks the companionship of others to provide meaningful encounters. People in our global village seek for community in many forms, from the Kibbutz to the Basic Christian Communities. But just as marriage does not always bridge the gap that separates two solitudes, so community life does not always provide meaningful encounters. Yet, reflecting on the role of presence, as well as experiencing the benefits of a genuine presence, cannot but provide hope.
What are communities for, if not to be witnesses of Christian life, not only in the eschatological sense, but as a here-and-now sign of the love of God. If members are truly present to one another, it should reinforce them to be present to the world, and to be dynamic signs of God's love.
(1)Cf. Gregory Baum, Man Becoming: God in Secular Experience, New York, Herder and Herder, 1970, p. 55-59.
(2)Cf. J. Ratzinger, Foi Chretienne Hier et Au-jourd ' hui, Paris, Mame, 1969, p. 57.
(3)Cf. Baum, Man Becoming, p. 55-59.
(4)Cf. Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving, New York, Harper & Row, p. 38-41.
(5)Cf. Hall & Lindzey, Theories of Personality, New York, Wiley, 1957, p. 51-55.
(6)Cf. Erik Erikson, Childhood and Society, New York, Norton, 1963, p. 82-86.
(7)Cf. Frank Goble, The Third Force, New York, Pocket Books, 1973, p. 23-36.
(8)Sidney Jourard, The Transparent Self, New York, Van Nostrand Reinhold, 1971, p. 97.
(9)Cf. Baum, Man Becoming, p. 55-59.
(10)Baum, Ibid., p. 44.
(11)Ibid., p. 43.
(12)Sidney Jourard, Disclosing Man to Himself, New York, Van Nostrand Reinhold, 1968, p. 153.
(13)Baum, Man Becoming, p. 137.
(14)Piet Schoonenberg, "Presence and the Eucharistic Presence," in Cross Currents, Winter 1967, p. 41.
(15)Ibid., p. 46.
(16)Cf. Ibid., p. 49-50.
(17)Ibid., p. 51.
(18)Cf. J. Ratzinger, Foi Chretienne Hier et Au-jourd ' hui, Paris, Mame, 1969, p. 185.
(19)Edward Schillebeeckx, Christ the Sacrament of the Encounter With God, London, Sheed and Ward, 1966, p. 19.
(20)Ibid., p. 19.
(21)Edward Schillebeeckx, God and Man, London, Sheed and Ward, 1969, p. 185.
(22)Ibid., p. 195.
(23)Schillebeeckx,Christ the Sacrament of the Encounter with God, p. 18.
(24)Schillebeeckx, God and Man, p. 197.
(25)Baum, Man Becoming, p. 55.
Prepared by: Holy Spirit Seminary College